Never, Ever, Ever Give Up!

My kids are so amazing sometimes.....lately they have been leaving me more than a little speechless with some of their progress. We have been working really hard with Max on requesting. For awhile, we let him get by using only one word to request drink or "dink" and taking "help" for most other requests. I started to make him say, "I want ______" and it was pretty slow goings at first. Now though, he is starting to understand that he must use those 3 little words to get what he wants. For instance, yesterday he grabbed my arm, pulled me in the direction of his cup and said, "dink." I picked up the cup and said, "What do you want?" I could see the little wheels turning in his head and then the light bulb moment...."I.......want..........dink!" It's not always easy to understand, and a lot of times I have to parrot the words for him to repeat, but I am so proud of this progress!!! I know he's trying so hard to say new things, but sometimes those darn words just won't come out no matter how hard he tries!

Another rather inventive thing he's been doing lately involves the use of his I-Pad. The first time he did this was a couple weeks ago....we were sitting in a chair watching t.v. together and he started saying "cookie." I ignored him because it was close to dinner and he was NOT getting a cookie. He kept repeated "cookie, cookie, cookie" and pointing in the direction of the kitchen. I pointedly ignored him and he ran off to get his I-Pad. He pulled up the pictures we had loaded onto it and located a picture of himself eating a cookie. He looked at me, pointed at the picture and said "cookie!" I sat there in silence.....shocked. Apparently he thought I was still missing the point, so he scanned through the pictures, pulled up one of Nick eating a cookie, looked at me and insisted, "Cookie!" Well, how could I really ignore that? Yes, I gave the kid a cookie before dinner :) Just yesterday, he used the I-Pad in the same way. He tried to say something to me, but it was unintelligible and he realized I did not understand. He got the I-Pad, pulled up the pictures again and found one of him on a swing at the park. He pointed at the picture and said, "That" and then walked to the back door and stood there. I didn't move fast enough for him, so he walked back over, pulled up another picture of Nick on a slide and said, "that" then went to stand again at the backdoor while pointing outside. He REALLY wanted to play on the swing set in the backyard! I am so unbelievably proud of this new development!! I think we will be adding a lot more pictures to the I-Pad so he can make more specific requests!

Nick has also been doing some amazing communicating lately. He's doing such a good job using multiple words to request items. Our interactions usually go something like this......Nick will open the refrigerator door, pull out a package of pepperoni and either come hand it to me or say, "pepperoni." I will either ignore him or say, "I don't understand what you want?" He lets out a big sigh, looks me directly in the eyes and says, "Miss Mama I want pepperoni!" It's a little obvious that he has been going to school, huh? He has been putting a "Miss" in front of everyone's name lately (including Daddy and Papa) :) I know that Nick wants to stay in his own little world of Autism, but I'm determined to burst that bubble and pull him into our world. Some people might think it's mean to force the eye contact and multiple words, but it's just what we have to do. Someday I hope it will come naturally for him and his Autism won't be so obvious.

Nick and I had a mini conversation last night that just about left me with happy tears. He went to Ocean's of Fun ALL day yesterday with Grandpa, Grandma, Aunt Briley, Daddy and Max. I had to work, but we sat down to have dinner together after I picked him up from Grandma and Grandpa's house. I asked him, "Nick, what did you do today?" He looked me in the eyes and said, "swimming, pool, life jacket, slide!" I said, "Oh my, did you go swimming? Did Grandpa go with you?" He said, "Papa and Briley." I reminded him that Grandma, Daddy and Max were also at the pool and then asked, "What was your favorite part?" He told me, "swimming slides!" I started to tear up just a little and couldn't say much else than, "good for you, Nick, good for you." What can I say? This is probably the closest thing to a real give and take conversation that Nick and I have ever had! He might not have explained things to me in full sentences, but he sure got his point across. I know the important things....he went swimming with Grandpa and Aunt Briley, wore a life jacket and enjoyed the water slides the best.

Autism might be a really tough thing to deal with as a parent, but it's also really beautiful. These type of interactions happen all day long for parents of typical developing 3 and 5 year olds and those parents think nothing of it. On the other hand, each word, conversation, request, eye contact and every tiny interaction I have with my children makes my heart soar and reminds me to never, ever, ever give up on them.

"Tard Whispering"

As I lie here, typing this blog, I listen to Max and Daddy reading a book in the next room. A smile creeps over my face as I listen to Max labeling things in the book and demonstrating the various noises each animal makes. I am SO unbelievably proud that he is able to do these things and so much more. On the other hand, a dark cloud of sadness, anger, and many other emotions works it way into my mind. You see.....something happened at work last week that I just haven't been able to let go. I like to believe that people in my profession like to help other people....that they understand differences...that they are as excited about new knowledge as I am. But....I guess I'm wrong sometimes.....I guess now I know that they laugh and make nasty comments behind my back and even to my face.

Where do I start? I guess I should say that I am teaching a class about Autism for Law Enforcement Officers. The class is meant to help LEO's identify people with special needs and to help them better interact with people who have Autism or other developmental disabilities. It's an important class.....research shows that these types of people are 7 times more likely to come into contact with Law Enforcement!!! Unfortunately, these are not always positive contacts on either side. I thought, who better to educate officers about people with Autism than ME???? After all, I have been in Law Enforcement for 9 years now and have two children with Autism and have educated myself exstinsively. No brainer, right?

So, I have the first class scheduled for June 24th and it is filling up fast. I know there will be many more classes scheduled to involve Law Enforcement other than just the agency I work for. So, I had a recent opportunity to promote this class to another Law Enforcement agency while we were working together. I proceeded to tell no less than 5-10 officers about the benefits of my class and why they should attend the training. I was very passionate and yes, maybe a little over the top, but darnit I'm excited!!! So, the first several officers I speak with tell me they would enjoy the class and to let them know when it is scheduled so they can attend. Another couple agree to attend, mostly because it counts towards training hours :) The next few that I speak with happen to be some higher ranking decision makers.....the types of people that will either allow or not allow these other officers to attend the training. As I am in the middle of explaining the class and why it is so important that they attend, these officers start using words like "retard" and asking if this is a "tard whispering" class and if there will be any actual "Autistic" people in the class? Stunned......I stop speaking and listen as they go on and on about all the "retards" that live in their city and laugh and make fun of them. I cannot speak.....I am in shock.....I think I may cry if I open my mouth. So, I mention to one of them that he will be the only "Autistic" person in the class if he shows up for it as he obviously has no social skills. He tells me that even if he is ordered to attend my class by the Chief of Police, he will make them write him up instead. I walk out of the room thinking that I have never been so ashamed of or dissillusioned with my profession as I am right at this moment.

It took me over a week to write this, because honestly, I am still bubbling over with anger at these stupid, ignorant men. Is this the way my children are talked about behind their back by people who are sworn to serve and protect them? Are my children only "retards" to the rest of the general public?? Have I been lying to myself that I am helping people to understand? First of all, both of my children are highly intelligent, but they have trouble with social and communication skills. This does not make them Mentally Retarded.......and even if they did have a lower IQ that qualified them as Mentally Retarded, it does not qualify them as less of a human being. I hate these men for the doubt they have put in my brain ever since that day. I did manage to call one of their supervisors though and suggest that they may get some benefit out of attending my class ;) Knowledge is power and maybe I can get through to these ignorant asses!

A good friend of mine who also works in Law Enforcment had the opportunity to see these same men no less than a week after I had this experience with them. Apparently whatever she said to them had quite an impact as I have received one or two apologies for their lack of social graces. Unfortunately, the apologies I received where from officers who were not involved in the whole "tard whispering" conversation. All the same, it's good to know that I have friends who won't let people talk like that about me or my children and who will stick up for me when I am too shocked to do it for myself. You know who you are......love ya!