Socially inappropriate....but working on it

Nick and I are having an ongoing battle (that he’s currently winning) about what is socially acceptable in terms of touching. There is a long standing myth that people with Autism have little emotion and that they are generally not very loving/cuddly/social. While this may be true in some aspects or for some people with Autism, it’s not the steadfast rule. In fact, I have found that many kiddos with Autism are very, very loving and desire physical interaction. Just as an example, the first time I met our 8 year old twin neighbor boys (who both have Autism), was when one of them came up to me and gave me a big hug, kiss on the cheek and said, “I love you.” This is where the confusion comes in for a lot of the general public. Kids such as the neighbor boys and my boys both enjoy this type of interaction, but don’t understand why it’s not acceptable.

So….with that said……let me tell you a little about Nick and his social inappropriateness. He REALLY enjoys giving everyone (even random strangers) big hugs. It’s not unusual for him to run and hug 5 or more total strangers in one trip to Target. For this reason, I have tried to keep him contained to the shopping cart, but as he gets older, he wants to walk…..and he is 5 years old, so he should be walking. The only problem is as soon as he sees his target; he makes a break for it…….and I usually can’t catch up with him in time to stop the hugging. So…..I routinely apologize to bewildered strangers that are darn near knocked over by a strange kid hugging them. Until last night, they have always told me that it’s o.k. or not to worry about it, or even that the hug “made their day.” Usually I hear, “awwww……that’s so sweet!” Once an older lady commented, “Yup, I still got it!!” LOL I’m glad people are so understanding, but they don’t see what I see. Right now, Nick is a cute, little, mostly harmless, 5 year old boy. What happens when he is a much larger 12 or 13 year old boy and he still runs around hugging everyone? Nick isn’t obviously special needs as far as his features are concerned, so I’m relatively certain that he’ll be regarded as a weirdo, creeper, pervert if this continues. Who knows? He might even take a butt kicking if he hugs the wrong person’s girlfriend or wife.

So…..after talking with Nick’s teacher at parent/teacher conferences, I have realized this is a problem at school as well. Nick routinely runs and gives fully body/tackle hugs to classmates. Apparently he also does a lot of unsolicited kissing at school as well! His teacher told me that she is trying to deter the kissing especially by telling him that it’s not o.k. to kiss people and by asking him to wave and say “hi” instead. So, now he waves, says “hi,” sneaks in a quick kiss and runs! He has been spending a fair amount of time in timeout at school for this behavior. While that might seem harsh, I completely understand the reasoning. So now, when it looks like Nick is going to run and hug someone, I try to stop him and tell him, “why don’t you just wave and say hi.” Or…..if he completes the hug, I just tell him “remember, everyone doesn’t like hugs, can you just say hi?” Usually the person he’s hugged gets mad that I’ve corrected him for something so “harmless”……sigh.

Anyway….last night we finally experienced someone who obviously did NOT appreciate the hugs. We went to McDonald’s so Nick and Max could play with their “cousin” Blake. Nick probably hugged at least 3 adults within 10 minutes of being in the play area. One was a grandmother and he LEAPT into her arms. Luckily she was a good sport and strong enough that she was willing to hold and cuddle him for a minute. (much to my embarrassment) At one point, I was engrossed in conversation with my BFF when I saw Nick out of the corner of my eye. He was trying to hug another woman, who looked frantic and was pushing him away. She looked REALLY pissed off and I scrambled to get over there and pull Nick away from her. He finally gave up and went back to playing on the equipment…..she ignored me and looked just disgusted…..what a witch!! Now, Nick is not a child who gives up easily…..so it wasn’t long before he went over and attempted another hug, much to this mother’s disdain. Anyway, I went over there again and grabbed him and we left shortly after. While I do think this other parent could have been a little more kind, I have a feeling this is a preview of what’s to come if we don’t nip this in the bud now :(