I have a rather interesting situation going on with Nick right now. For once, I am just at a loss about what to do with him. Nick has always been really rough with his little brother, Max. I remember about a year ago when we had an appointment with Nick's Developmental Pediatrician. We brought Max, who was only crawling at that point and just wanted to be involved in whatever his big brother was doing. Max did something that really upset Nick and Nick hauled his leg back like he was going to kick him. I got to Nick in time and he never actually connected, but I saw how wide the Dr.'s eyes got. He said, "yeah, you probably shouldn't leave them alone.....ever." I have taken that advice to heart, but it's hard to ALWAYS be with Max....especially when he ONLY wants to be with his big brother. Lately, I have noticed that Nick strikes out at whoever or whatever is nearby when he is upset. For example, he will push his little brother down or throw an object while he is throwing a fit. In the past, we have caught him pushing his brother down several stairs and I've often seen him "tackle" Max like a line backer!
I guess what I'm saying is that Nick is a rough playing little boy and he really enjoys any type of sensory input he can get. Even though I know everything I know about Nick, I am at a loss about what to do over his actions today. On one occasion, I guess he decided that Max was in his way and he pushed him off the couch. Max fell backwards and hit the back of his head on the coffee table. Another time, he pushed Max for some unknown reason and Max fell and hit his head on our nightstand. The scariest time was when I walked into the next room for some reason and I heard Max start screaming. I came into the kitchen and saw Nick with his hands around Max's neck. I don't know if he was trying to stop Max from screaming or if he was really trying to hurt him. Shortly thereafter, I was standing right there when Nick again tried to grab Max and push/pull him to the ground. On each instance, I took Nick by the arms, looked him in his eyes and told him "you do not put your hands on your brother....you are hurting him!" I said it in my best stern mommy voice with my most serious eye contact. Each time Nick's lip started trembling and he looked ready to cry. I made him tell Max "sorry" and give him a hug. I don't know if he understands, but I just don't know what else to do? Apparently he didn't learn his lesson, because he kept doing it over and over again! At this point, I'm actually getting afraid that he may really hurt his brother.
On the bright side of things, the boys and I went out and played in the snow for about 45 minutes. Nick had an awesome time and had me cracking up when he decided to roll all the way down our snowy hill of a front yard :) He also did a lot of snow angels and lots of jumping in the snow. I showed him how to throw snow balls which earned me several sneak attacks with large chunks of snow as hard as Nick could throw them! Max is still really unsure about snow and mostly wandered about aimlessly. He did pick up some snow a couple of times, so I think he's warming up! I'll try to post some pictures of the sneak attacks when I get a chance.
I know that I just got done complaining about Nick's behavior today, but Max was in rare form as well. Mostly, he was a big pain when I was trying to get out of the house to get to work on time. He managed to let the dog out of his crate twice after I'd put him up! Finally, I got Oliver in the crate and Max was right behind Nick and I as we walked to the garage...or so I thought. I'm strapping Nick into his car seat and here comes Oliver tearing out the garage door! I start hollering for Max and come around the side of the car to find him standing in the snowy yard, one shoe off, playing in the snow. Sigh. So finally, I strap Max in his car seat, put Oliver in his crate and get new socks for Max. It's days like these that I am actually grateful to have to go to work!
I, too, have a child with autism (3 yr old - 4 in May) but he doesn't have any younger siblings so I cannot help you in regards to siblings. I will say this, however: Jake used to hit, scratch and head butt. He has been attending daycare since he was 7 months old and we ran into this issue there as well. This is what we've done to curtail this behavior - sit him on the step when he shows this type of behavior. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. (Yep...just like SuperNanny does!). I tell him why he's there and make him sit on there for three minutes each time. He knows that it's punishment and he no longer displays this behavior at daycare nor at home. It took time and we had to be consistent but it finally 'took'.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had more to offer you than that. Good Luck.
Hi there, I am a friend of Lori Albers and she sent me the link to your thread. I am a single mom of a 7 year old autistic boy who was and is just as rough with my dogs. WHen my son was younger, he threw alot of stuff, hit me with heavy stuff and punched holes in the walls. Some days I would just cry, other days I would restrain my child for 30-45 minutes at a time... What I started to do was produce an immediate response to his reaction whatever it may be. If he hit, I took both hands and held them,, looked at him and say, "We don't hit!" I make him say it.. then I point to a picture card showing a line through a picture of a boy hitting another one.. and so on, do the same with throwing, pushing his little brother. In addition, he would go to time out for 5 minutes, a chair in the corner, bean bag, etc. But he needs to be held accountable for each negative action and praised for each positive action. Make a smiley face chart and label it Mon-Sun and make big squares so you can velcro small smiley faces each time, your son does something good, follows directions, plays with his brother nicely! After a while, your son will see the number growing of smiley faces and when he reaches a specific number set by you... start low, like 5 at first, then move to 10 and so on.. create a treasure chest of little toys from the dollar store and let him get a toy, play a video game, go outside and play, etc. I would try and find picture cards of each activity including a picture of the treasure chest and have them at the bottom of your smiley chart. He can choose which one he wants which makes him feel in control. If this is consistent, his behaviors will reduce as he gets older... I hope this helps, you can call me anytime you have questions, 336-460-4942 take care, Udenia
ReplyDeleteAlison, both of these girls have gone through alot with their kids. I think it's good to communicate with people who understand what y ou are going through.
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